Language Major

Well, I've moved on to Return of the Living Dead: Rave to the Grave. It's a trifle of a movie, but I'm a sucker for zombies. It'll probably get me through. I think I'm done drinking. Otherwise, I may not sleep tonight.

Update: Words of wisdom from Zombieworld - "If you can't trust your drug dealer, who can you trust?" Spread that "Z" man...spread it. Zombies of the world unite!

I have to admit, when the zombies have to explain what they're after ("brains"), it kind of takes away from the plot...did I just say that?

Update 10:18: when you have to chase after Mr. Stinky (a rat that was infected with the zombie virus)...I think you're really done as a movie.

10:39: It got worse - a zombie standing on the side of the road holding a sign saying "Rave or Bust". This movie sucks. But. I'll finish it. Hey, it's zombie violence and some bare breasts. Can't ask for much more.

And at the end of the movie: the zombie shambles off into the sunset. Ahhh...the neverending plot line. Boy this was bad. On to: Angel A, it's a Luc Besson movie of The Professional and Fifth Element fame...I may not make it. I think the Stoli may have taken too much out of me...

So I've lost a wife and a family this year? So what? I'm working my way through a 5th of Vanilla Stoli. Vodkapundit has nothing on me.















Maybe I'll be able to forget some of the stuff that happened this year and move on...But I doubt it.

It's a movie marathon for me. First up is For Your Consideration. It's pretty funny. I like all of the Christopner Guest directed ensemble movies. More later.

Update: For Your Consideration was pretty funny. If I hadn't have had at least half of a bottle, it probably would have been a little bit mean. Catherine O'Hara was great as the older lead actress (really, why do they insist on being called "actors"?) who was trying to be younger than she was. There was a little anti-Semitism from the Hollywood establishment thrown in. Too serious. But still comically handled. Next up: Reign Over Me. I figure I'll be bawling after the first 30 min or so.

Update at 6pm: Just saw a preview for Vantage Point. If I was less intoxicated, I'd probably be offended at the fact that it depicts the assassination of the President. But, the preview actually was pretty exciting. It was kind of Rashomon-ish with the multiple points of view. On a side note, it's getting harder for me to type and to pour a shot of vodka. This could be a long night....

Update at 6:20pm: OK, so I'll admit, I didn't make it through the opening credits. Have I mentioned that I actually miss my ex-wife and her kids? She may not believe that, but I do...



Update: Less than half a bottle to go...I've got some champagne waiting for midnight..














Update 7:30: "She's crazy with a side of crazy". I think they knew about my ex...

Update: "Love Reign Over Me". I didn't lose my family to 9/11. I could've kept my kids without her. But I couldn't have them without her....does that make sense? Too much vodka, I guess...

Oh...was that the wrong movie to watch...I know how it feels to be looking for ammo for the gun...I'm still waiting for Saffron Burrows to come and rescue me...It's 8pm and I'm pretty sure I'll finish the bottle...

Update: 8:55. OK, I don't think I'm going to finish the bottle. But I'm going to try like hell.

Wanting to impeach Cheney? You people are nuts. I'm drunk, but you're crazy. You just don't like what he stands for: actually protecting the United States. Yeah...I said it...

Oneopinion at the Red State Blue State discussion forum has predicted Clinton/Obama vs. Giuliani/Thompson. Here's what I wrote:

Democrat: Clinton and Dodd. She needs a rock (gravitas?) to backstop her. Dodd is actually a serious, respected candidate that even Peggy Noonan callas "reasonable". I don't think she'd go with Obama because she wouldn't want anyone to upstage her.

Republican: Romney and Hunter. He needs someone serious that will bolster his anti-illegal immigration stance. Thompson is an option for VP, but Hunter has better immigration bona fides. I don't think Giuliani will be able to recover after losing in Iowa, NH, and SC. he's losing big-time momentum. I'd like it to be Thompson and Hunter, but that seems like a pipe dream at this point (I'm still waiting to see how accurate the Novak column was that said Thompson had 1% in Iowa).

Anyone else want to go on record?

I was just reading an article on cbsnews.com about Fred's campaign, and I came upon this section:

“When you’re going to come up with a military paper, with a tax paper, with a Social Security paper, and all those things, it takes some work to get all those things done, to sit down with the experts and actually work through those," said Rich Galen, a Thompson advisor. "So while those weren't public campaign events, they were certainly campaign activities."

Tell me it's the Rich Galen of Mullings fame. Can I vote for Fred twice? If I'd have known this sooner, I would have been paying more attention.

If you don't hate children and puppies.

Hannity and Colmes gave Rudy, Mitt, and Fred an opportunity to react to the assassination of Benazir Bhutto. They all made pretty much the same observations about the damage to the democratic process in Pakistan. Right now it seems like people on the right are looking to support our friends and the people on the left (and Ron Paul) are finding ways to blame America.

Rudy and Mitt looked ready for prime time - properly coiffed and nattily attired. Fred looked like he was fresh off the trail in Iowa. But his message was (as usual) consistent.

In 1999, I got stationed in Hawaii. It was the first time my ex lived outside of Texas (unless you count 6 months in Oklahoma - I don't, it's a Texas-wannabe county). She was 22 years old and had had her daughter when she was 19, so she had never really had a chance to experience night life. I was a young captain at the time and Hawaii was kind of expensive. She met a female friend, I gave her some money, and she went out. At first it was just Friday nights. Then it was Friday and Saturday. Being in the Army, we get 4 day weekends when there is a Federal holiday (Friday through Monday). Believe me, the Army gets its time back.

By the summer of 99, it got to the point where she would leave on Thursday night and I wouldn't see her again until Tuesday morning when I had to go to formation. I was spending my weekends alone with 2 kids - her daughter and my son. OK, so she was 7 months pregnant with him when I met her. She was going to give him up for adoption until she met me. She even named him after me. I was the only dad those 2 kids ever knew. Around Thanksgiving, she told me that she had been raped during one of her weekends, and that she was pregnant. I knew it wasn't mine because we had stopped having sex in February of 1999 - about the time she started going out.

In her defense, she moved out and got an apartment with a "friend". She lived with him for a year. I would watch the kids at night and on the weekends. She kept them during the day, and prepared for the new kid at night. Her 2nd son was born in May 2000. At the end of 2000, her "friend" had a drunken, violent episode. I offered to let her move back in with me. I told her that I didn't blame her for being raped and I thought we could work things out. She moved back in. What I didn't find out until earlier this year (when cracking her e-mail) was that her "friend" was actually the father of her 2nd son. I had my suspicions. But, she was my wife, she told me she was raped, and I chose to believe her.

My investigating her papers and computer revealed at least 2 more boyfriends by whom she did not get pregnant. Which brings us to May 2007: she's planning to move in with the father of her baby, and take the kids with her. He was going to get everything I had wanted: a child with my wife, a family, MY kids, all wrapped up in a nice, neat little package. It was at this point that I found out about the father of her 2nd son. I also found out that all of her friends already knew. I had been played for a fool for years. I lost it. I had come into town to help her move out of the apartment. Upon my arrival, she immediately turned around and went to her boyfriend's house, leaving me with the kids. I lost it.

I went to his house in a righteous rage. I beat in the door (well, I beat a dent in the door) until they answered. One of the guys in the house actually brought a shotgun to the door. I had a tire iron for protection. I didn't do anything, and left, but managed to embarrass her in front of her new friends. I took the kids with me to my Dad's house in Austin and made the rounds calling my relatives looking for support. I met with a lawyer 2 days later.

I took the boys with me to Kentucky - where I'm now stationed. Later, I went back and picked up her daughter. I was trying to play the nice guy. I had been wronged, but I wanted to do what was best for the kids. I was pretty sure they would be better off with me.

Among other things, my ex has OCD. She pulls out her eyelashes when she gets stressed. The other thing she does is gamble. When I returned from Cuba on leave once, I found 2 garbage bags full of scratch-off tickets in the trunk of her car. I stopped counting one of the bags when I got to $1500. At the time, I had about $30K in credit card debt - mostly spent to keep her happy. Call me dumb, call me naive or undisciplined. It was what I felt I had to do to keep the family together. She had conditioned me early: "well, if you can't afford that, maybe I should take the kids back to Abilene". I'd do anything to keep the family together, including ruining my credit rating.

In June, she came to visit the kids in Kentucky. She was about 4 weeks from her due date. She went into premature labor and ended up having the baby in a hospital in Louisville. Her boyfriend actually came into town to see her and his new daughter. She wasn't sure about going to live with her boyfriend, so she stayed with me for a few weeks. Here's why: I contacted his ex-wife.

Originally, when I contacted his ex, I just wanted to find out if it would be safe for my kids to live with him. As it turns out, he hadn't told his ex about my ex and the baby. She was pissed. It also turns out that he had slept with her after he had found out my ex was pregnant. Enough drama for you? This started a chain of fights that eventually led my ex to decide not to move in with him. Did I intend on that happening? No. But I took a perverse pleasure in watching his happy home life fall apart.

So there she was, in my house, with a new baby, divorce on file (waiting the 60 days for it to be final in Texas), and what did I do? I offered to let her stay. That's me: do anything to keep the family together. She went back to Texas around the 4th of July.

I took her daughter back at the end of the summer. She's 11 and had made some pretty good friends in Abilene and didn't want to leave them. I even co-signed on the apartment my ex is staying in so she'd have her own place. The boys stayed with me. I put them in a school on post, and even coached my son's flag football team.

In September, after some legal problems, the divorce was finally signed and final. I'm paying her $750 in child support for kids that aren't mine. At the time, I was still paying for her storage. She's got one of the cars (I'm still paying). I was still paying over $300 a month for her cell phone and mine. Then came November. She wanted me to pay $50 a month for her daughter's clarinet rental. OK. Then, she said she was behind on bills and would lose the apartment. So, she wanted her daughter to come live with me.

I finally said no. She was upset. I also told her that I wasn't going to pay for her cell phone anymore (you know, the one she used to hook up with her boyfriend). I also happened to mention that I wasn't the father of any of her children...and she hasn't spoken to me since. She text messaged me and threatened to call the cops on me if I didn't bring the boys back to her...so I did. And I miss them. All of them. I admit I especially miss my son. He's got my name. And you may think I'm a heartless bastard, but this time I'm doing something better for me. They need to be with their mother. I need to get away from her. As long as I have the kids, I have to deal with her. Now, I can call the kids on her daughter's cell phone, and I don't have to speak to her. My child support is deducted automatically, so I don't have to worry about coordinating a deposit. And I'm trying to move on. But it's hard.

I'm actually finding out what love really is, and I really did love her. I was willing to sacrifice everything about myself: money, self esteem, pride, convenience, personal comfort, physical gratification...in order to please her. It's only become clear to me over the past few months that I've realized how depraved what she did really was.

I've managed to go a few days without thinking about ways to get her back, but they mostly involve bribes that would just revitalize old habits...or addictions. Doing something to get her back would by like a crack addict that had been clean for a year going back on the pipe. As she fades, and I get on with my life, I can only pray for the serenity to accept the things I can't change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Last year I was married, optimistic, and happy to be home. Now, I'm divorced, alone, and trying to recover. Christmas sure is different this year.

This is really therapy for me. If you're not interested in some fool's situational drama, some of which will sound like whining, you can go somewhere else. I just need to vent to get my head straight.

Last Christmas, I was only 3 months off of a 12 month deployment to Iraq. I was living in Germany, even though my family was living in Texas. They had left Germany early because my wife was having medical and emotional problems. She needed a support network that wasn't available to her in Germany, so I had the Army send her home. I had spent a month with my family in October - block leave. I took another 3 weeks in December and used Space Available flights to get back to the states (they cost $6.95, if you buy the meal). I had to go through Dover, Delaware, Philadelphia, and Austin, TX to get back. Even then, my Dad picked me up in Austin and drove me half way to Abilene so my wife could pick me up. It was a round-about way, but nothing was more important to me than spending time with my family.

I'm the cook for the major holidays. I've got the system down. I make the pies the night before (pumpkin, apple, peach, and others). I know when to start the Turkey, vegetables (green bean casserole), mashed potatoes, and rolls in order for everything to be ready to eat at noon. My wife's family all came over: her mother, 2 of her brothers, her sister from San Antonio, her niece and nephew, in addition to our 3 kids. I say "our" kids because I'm the only Dad they've ever known. Her daughter was 18 months old when we met. She was pregnant with her 1st son when we met. Her 2nd son was (I was told) the product of a rape that occurred while we were in Hawaii.

It was a good Christmas. The kids got the video games and other stuff they wanted. The meal went off with only a small hitch (forgot the gravy). And it was the best Christmas I had had in three years - I had missed Christmas in 2004 (Cuba) and 2005 (Iraq). My wife and I were even on the best terms we'd been on in a long time. The separation seemed to bring us closer together. I went back to Germany right after New Year's. Things couldn't have been better. I was still in Germany, but I was scheduled to return to the States in April. I could move the family in with me and start making up for lost time.

12 days later, my world fell apart.

The phone rang in my apartment in Germany at about 2:30am. That's late evening in Texas. "I'm pregnant" she said. I knew it wasn't mine because it had been years since we'd had sex. That's another story: "It hurts", "I don't like it", "I can't deal with it"(because of the "rape"), "it's too important to you". OK. I went without it to prove that she and the family were more important to me than sex.

Who was it? "Just some guy". Did you love him? "It was just one time - I was drunk". Hadn't I heard that before? Oh yeah, the first rape when she was drunk. Fool me once...Still the family is the most important. I even offered to pass the kid off as mine. She declined. She even offered to let me out scot free: no child support, uncontested divorce, the works. I said, "No". I still wanted to see if there was a way we could salvage things.

After a few months of torture, I went back to Texas in April. I spent time with the kids, and started packing her stuff up in storage. She was going to move in with the guy. OK. Well, she left her computer logged on....that's when I found the pictures of her and the guy from 9 months before - just about the time I sent her home early from Germany. I saw all of the e-mails claiming mutual love for each other (and mutual hate, it was a turbulent relationship). I also found the half-naked pictures of her that he had taken - in the apartment I was paying for. I also found the e-mail that revealed that he had been sleeping in the apartment with her the night before I came home...in the apartment I was paying for...with our kids in the apartment. That's when I finally decided to file for divorce. There's more...but I'll save that for part II. I will say this, though: Christmas without kids sucks. It just serves to remind you how old and alone you are.

OK, I'll be part of it. Of all the candidates for the GOP that I've seen and heard, I like Fred Thompson the best. He is the "Consistent Conservative". Anyone that jumps on the bandwagon at this point can't be accused of backing the popular candidate, unless you pay attention to conservative blog polls. In Michelle Malkin's poll, Fred Thompson even outnumbers the Paulbots.

Full Disclosure: I am now officially a Friend of Fred.

Labels: Election 2008, Fred08, Michelle Malkin